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before i pour into you, i first must pour into myself

Updated: Jul 3, 2023

i get into the water before it fills the tub. my body adjusts to the scorching heat as it envelops me. i crave the warmth of raging magma, i wish to embrace the sun.


unfortunately, i’m left still colder than i prefer.


i imagine i lay at the bottom of a waterfall, which fills a hot spring. i’m my most vulnerable self when i’m alone with only my thoughts for company.



the bath is made. i revel in my own self made paradise, longing for this feeling of tranquility to never end, wishing that time could stop if only for a moment.


alas, the day must begin. there’s people to see, things to do and mental breakdowns awaiting to overcome my pregnable mind. i wash my face, the water rinsing the soap from my skin. as i dry off, i pray for the strength to get through the day. i spray on my deodorant while the water begins to drain.


my Eden is swept away, and i don my armor, bracing for the coming storm.


 

written for my timed arts writing class, this piece is a quick little something i threw together. i'm realizing as i prepare my final piece for this class that i write a lot about water and bathing. this piece is supposed to have a sound element and as i update the equipment i use for my practice, eventually the sound piece will be added below.



 

UPDATE:

before i pour into you, i first must pour into myself is a sound piece and spoken word poem.

as someone who battles with neurodivergence and mental illness daily, having a place where i can call my sanctuary is important. for me, it's a warm bubble bath. i find myself spending a lot of time in water and thinking in terms of imagery surrounding water.

while i enjoy taking care of myself, i am also a people pleaser. i am extremely quick to say yes to something even if it's at my own detriment.

this work speaks to that.

the sound element forces the audience to slow down and sit with me, to soak in this time where i am saying yes to myself.


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